OH!KAY - Bar Staff Problems

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Written by Kay Buckley 2014

A huge thank you to Hamish Mullen for his camera and editing skills, and my lovely actors Will Hay, Ben Owen, Andrew Lee, and Jake Alston. Filmed at Legends and The Lounge - Staffordshire University Student Union.


LYRICS:

Please put your loose change on the bar
Making sure it's swimming in your bottle of knocked over Budvar
That'll be £3.80 mate and you've only given me £1.23
And no I won't be happy
Cos it's 1AM on a Friday right and I'll probably be cleaning your sick later tonight

Please order your drinks one by one
Cos I love running around on the bar you're drunkenly leaning upon
Have you any ID pal? Then you say I'm having a laugh
But you turned 18 last week babe, so don't take it out on the staff
And your one night stand eating your face is making me VOMIT!
And no I don't care if your glass has got lipstick on it, cos it's probably yours

You've been waiting here half an hour, even though you only approached the bar a minute ago
"What's the cheapest?" "What's the strongest drink?" "Can I get a free cheeky shot though?"
And the answer is - "Can ya fuck, no!"

My apologies for being mathematically incorrect with the head on your pint
"Top it up love!" oh I'll top it up enough and I'll top it up with Sprite

And that £10 note you're waving in my face makes me really wanna serve ya
Cheers for telling me how to do my job shouting who's next again like I hadn't even heard ya
And if you'd like to order a pint, can you stop staring at my tits?
I'm very aware they're out tonight but my bills get paid with tips

No! I really don't want your number, and I tell ya I've got a fella
But you're very attractive with drunken eyes, beer breath and dribbling Stella

We've stopped serving now we're not open anymore
But you stare at me like I've had a shit on you and you continue to ask "What for?!"
But it's 3AM and I just can't wait to get home
I'll eat a 10 course meal and be so happy being alone
With nobody screaming at me and having so little respect
But now all I'll dream of is "I was next!"

So fill up the tip jar or get out, get out, get out... get out the bar!

"Go on, fuck off!"
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