Modesty: what's your opinion?

Jun 20, 2013

Desiree M.

This hyper-sexualized society is disgusting! Because its on display 24/7. Become the change! Or don't, but be happy no matter what! I am modest...ish... but I would wear anything I liked, long as its respectful to my hubby. Just remember that some people judge and decide if you give a fuck!

Jun 20, 2013

Yaya B.

I personally don't give I Fuck Bcuz I know who I am IM confident and I wear what ever makes me feel good no matter what nobody elses opinion matters

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

Well said Emily. Princeton University has done studies on men's responses to women in bikinis and the part of the brain that is the most stimulated is the region that recognizes objects like screwdrivers and hammers. they literally view the woman as an object. she's virtually not human to him anymore.

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

That's a scientific fact that's been proven and researched

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

Agreed Desiree. This kind of goes off topic but if you were to take the US out of the equation the average child is nursed until age 4! breasts are so highly regarded as sex objects here that its become taboo to do something that's perfectly natural and healthy!

Jun 20, 2013

Chelsea S.

I honestly don't see what is bad about bikinis. I actually see some cute one pieces when I shop but I wouldn't want that tan line I like a tan stomach. I think if you have the body flaunt it. My pet peeve is just when someone is way too old to be wearing a scandalous outfit.

Jun 20, 2013

Edlin M.

I totally agree with you Kenzie... I'm engaged and I don't wear bikinis now cause I feel I'm disrespecting my hubby... I'm on the same pg tht you are(:

Jun 20, 2013

angel s.

And why is it the woman's fault that men are pieces of shit and can't handle themselves properly? Women can wear whatever they want, and shouldn't live in fear of being sexualized for their natural body. At the same time, they should not perform for the male gaze. We need to liberate ourselves, and the first step is to stop policing what other women chose to put on their bodies. Modesty was made by men to control women, for the most part. So if you feel the need to be controlled by a man, then so be it. The notion that you have to be fully clothed to have respect is disgusting.

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

I'm not saying bikinis are bad. women look absolutely stunning in them but I am also a woman and I see woman differently than a man. I'm not saying that women who wear bikinis are purposely seeking that kind of attention. It's plain to see that bikinis are in fact the norm for swimwear and with all the adorable styles and patterns its a great look. but absolutly NONE of this changes the way men see you in bikinis or any other skimpy clothing and its naive to think otherwise.

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

I'm sorry but a guys first thought when he sees a woman in provocative clothing is NEVER going to be 'she seems like she'd have an awesome personality!'

Jun 20, 2013

Sree K.

I agree with Kenzie. I certainly don't feel comfortable in anything that's provocative. I am engaged so I don't think my guy will be happy seeing me in skimpy outfits so I do respect his wishes. If I don't respect my body how can anyone else do that??

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

And don't get me wrong ladies. I'm not a perfect angel of modesty. I'm still young and like to be somewhat trendy which causes my judgment to become clouded. my husband will comment by saying 'that skirts kind of short' or that tops a bit low' I'll either compromise and put something underneath or change. I know he does it to protect me. he knows how men think and he doesn't want men to think of me like that and that makes me love and respect him even more :)

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

thanks Megan! :)

Jun 20, 2013

Whyte W.

For those with mobile:
The most common (and ridiculous) explanation is, "I am strong and empowered and therefore love being naked and stared at." You know, the same reason Superman flies around in a thong. One writer claims it's to show that she's healthy, so we can only be greatful Krypton never discovered gynecology.

Jun 20, 2013

Emily W.

Modesty is not a male invention, much like being a slut is not a female invention. I'm not controlled by anyone, thank you very much. I choose to be modest because I am aware, as almost everyone else is, that dressing provocatively IS sexualizing yourself. The only reason to put yourself on display is for sexual attention. Otherwise, it is just poor evolutionary sense. We have no natural protection from the elements, ergo we wear clothes. Skimpy clothes offer little protection, so what purpose do they serve? Sexual display. Just like a peacock with giant colorful feathers. It has nothing to do with "all men are pigs" (which is a pretty sexist statement, actually) or liberation from whatever perceived imprisonment you think is binding women.

Human behaviour is governed by a long lineage of biological processes, most of which have to do with mating. Hence, the subconscious response to a scantily clad person (of either gender) is "hubba hubba!". Knowing this, dressing modestly diverts that response. I don't need to advertise my fecundity, and I don't think it is appropriate to advertise oneself in that manner anyway. You say that dressing provocatively will liberate women, when in fact you remain "enslaved" by biology.

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

I'm sorry you feel that way Amy. it wasn't intended to be that way.

Jun 20, 2013

Emily W.

The problem is this: human nature is to judge others. This evolved to allow us to judge threats, and establish social hierarchy (common in nearly all species). Nowadays, we still use this cognitive function to judge threats (is that person with a ski mask about to rob the bank or are they just chilly) but for the most part it gets involved in creating social hierarchy. This social hierarchy is where arguments start.

Everyone believes they are better than someone else, for some reason. For some, maybe they are better because the other person is on welfare; to someone else, they are better than their drunkard neighbor because they don't drink. No single human being is free from this process, because it is based in biology. However, rational thought allows us the ability to question our own biases--we can say "I should try not to judge others, and I hope I am not being judged unfairly."

However, to expect every person to outright stop judging others is not only impossible, it is a denial of one of our basic cognitive abilities. Everyone makes judgements--even those who claim they don't.

In this thread, two polarized sides have developed. One side says that modesty is better, the other says that being a provocateur is totally fine. Both opinions are valid. However, there is bickering: "You have no right to judge someone for dressing slutty! You're just being controlled by patriarchy!" followed by "Dress however you want, but you are being perceived negatively! Stop accusing me of crimes against women for voicing an opinion!" This is where the big problem lies: BOTH sides are judging. This is human nature. Both sides believe they are right, and that they are better. To themselves, they are. That is the human condition.

Jun 20, 2013

Kenzie L.

Absolutely Emily. I think this post has had enough responses. I think we can all come to the conclusion though that everyone has the right to dress how they like but with the knowledge that others have a right to their own opinions and judgments. but most importantly 'we should be completing each other not competing with each other :) all women of all shapes sizes and colors are BEAUTIFUL!

Jun 20, 2013

Dana M.

For all of you saying "omg you all are judgemental. I think people who are just judgmental are insecure and jealous," (or something of that sort) I think you're forgetting that it's part of human nature to judge someone AND everyone judges people.

Why is it ok to judge someone on something they can't control but worthy of disrespect when they judge people who dress a certain way?

Jun 20, 2013

Diana T.

I am personally modest in my style but its mainly because there are flaws in my body that I am trying to hide - but I sat if you got it then flaunt it no shame in showing off your assets as long as its tasteful and appropriate for the setting... for example I don't want to deep cleavage or hoochie shorts at the office... even if it is casual Friday! leave that stuff out of the professional world - when its appropriate to show some skin (like at the beach or a night club) then more power to you if you wanna show some skin then show it and if not then that's fine too personally as long as its tasteful and I don't see your lady parts hanging out then I'm good.

Jun 20, 2013

Sweet C.

Haha, Emily, it is always so interesting to read your responses. You are so confident when you speak, and always seem to give a highly intelligent response. Love it! <3 =)

Jun 20, 2013

Dana M.

There has been a comment on here than said they think anyone who judges someone on clothing they wear is jealous and insecure with themselves. So yes, someone is saying that they don't judge others implying they're exempt from judging others on style choices. When that just isn't true.
Who said anyone was a slut? No one here is going up to girls and telling them that wears shorts with their buttcheeks that they find it inappropriate, so if that is really your issue - I don't think the this thread is the place to be upset over that. This is just a thread of opinions, not self serving. If someone *chose* to be disrespectful with their opinion, you should take it up with them instead of making striking generalizations. And if you go by RuPaul's quote, then why care about our opinions?

Jun 20, 2013

Dana M.

You don't come off as rude. And the entire comment? I don't know how to make it any easier to understand *shrugs*

Jun 20, 2013

Dana M.

Oh. Well you said "nobody ever said anyone is exempt from judging others" but there was a girl that claimed that anyone who judges someone based on clothing is jealous and insecure, which implies that they don't judge people based on clothing.