I need major style help. (longer)

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Okay so I have a big problem when it comes to clothes. I will typically buy one thing or types of things (similar but still under the same category, like flannels or joggers) and then I will practically be a cartoon until I find the next thing I like. Then I ditch the other item forever. I really want to break out of this habit and branch off and try new things and actually have style. Right now I have 2 pairs of jeans (both black, both the same pair), 2 sweaters, and a "hoodie" that I wear, and that's it. I have other things in my closet, but not a lot, probably 2 shirts, 3 flannels, and cardigan, none of which I see myself wearing anytime soon. I just need to mix it up and learn how to style myself. Any advise will help.
PS. I try looking for inspiration but I can never clothes similar that I can pull off, and typically if the outfit is super girly, or colorful, I feel like a guy in womens clothes. But if I wear something that is typically/primarily, for men (like a button down, or blazer) I feel like I'm pretending to be a guy, even if the thing is made with a feminine fit.
P.S.S. I also have no color in my closet, it's black and maroon, that's all. And about 1/4 of all the clothes I own are black undershirts/ camisoles.

Jan 23, 2015

Rissa G.

Honestly, I don't know why you would feel "manly" if very feminine clothes. I'll be honest with you, you're very beautiful and your face actually is very feminine and you have a soft look to you. May I ask why you're so scared of trying new things, particularly feminine things (aside from the manly thing)?

Jan 23, 2015

Rissa G.

Also, Sandra's suggestion is perfect! Accessorize more! Buy more color in your accessories then once you find what colors you favor yourself in, branch out and buy clothing items in that color, so on and so forth. Don't feel bad about only wearing neutrals though, I do as well, though I'm a suck for accesories and scarves so there's my added color!

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Renay. I have no idea, maybe it's the way people make the clothes or maybe my body is weird because I just feel closed in if I wear somethings, and other times I just feel like I will draw to much negative attention. I also have a larger chest that forces me to get larger shirts and I loose any shape that I do have under fabric, and maybe when I wear things that are more form fitting I'm not used to it.

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Also, forgot, when I was younger I used to wear dresses all the time and I hated pants. Now if I wear pants that even feel a little loose or that aren't skinny jeans I have a panic attack in public. (I just think people will stare, but this is also due to social anxiety)

Jan 23, 2015

Nikki D.

Following, I can't believe this is in words.

Jan 23, 2015

Rissa G.

Oh okay, I get you and I completely understand! It's very easy to feel uncomfortable. Maybe something as little as adding a leather jacket to the mix, or a belt over the waist to give you a little more shape without it being too form fitting. Just accessorizing more is a huge step! I don't think you should let you body-shape persay get in the way of dressing up once in a while! Every body is beautiful, I'm a firm believer of that, it's just a matter of finding things that fit you perfectly! Anyone can wear whatever they please as long as they feel confident in it, I can assure you you will hardly bring any negative attention to yourself because honestly no one is really paying attention and those who are should not matter! You don't have to straight up just buy girly things right away and wear them out because you WONT feel comfortable. Just take baby steps, and every time you come across something you like and have it in hand already, just remember everybody has the right to feel good about themselves in what they wear. Be it clothes, makeup, hair, etc. sorry if this was all over the place

Jan 23, 2015

Nikki D.

I tried branching out to dresses (like the one in my picture, it was taken a few years ago though) but still it just doesn't feel right, and I can't really go out in public without thinking of how unusual I look although I might seem "normal" to others. I just stick with simple items, and there's no color in my closet either, or that dress anymore.

Jan 23, 2015

Rissa G.

Oh okay, I understand. I too have social anxiety and now understand the negative attention aspect. Honestly, I've learned to overcome it a lot especially when I feel good about myself. Don't think about it too much when you're getting dressed, and ugh I don't know how to say this, but compliment yourself I guess is what I'm getting at! It's easier said than done trust me I've dealt with social anxiety since my earlier teens after a traumatic experience and it's not easy but not impossible to slowly work through it.

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Renay. Thank you so much. I'm slowly working through it as well. I mostly express everything through makeup. I will wear a super baggy tee and some jeans that are a little too big, but then I will have winged liner and a dark lip. I will definitely take baby steps and try to wear new things (my closet it pathetic!)
Sandra. I am awful at accessorizing but I'm trying to get better. I have one necklace that I wear and I bought a pair of shoes that aren't converse. So basically I'm still awful but I'm getting there. Thank you.

Jan 23, 2015

Rissa G.

You will get there! I promise :) it took me 4 years and at that I am STILL not fully done working through it but it's not as bad as it once was. Just remember though, your looks do not define you! But you deserve to dress yourself up and feel pretty, but social anxiety and anxiety in general really is a very hard demon to go through and it really sucks. I really hope you can come out of your shell, because you are a beautiful girl and need to feel comfortable in your own skin!

Jan 23, 2015

Lala L.

I'm like that too but I've gotten better.. I have social anxiety and I'm a plus size girl now I'm starting to make friends and talk to people.. I've lost 50 pounds and I'm trying to lose more. The more weight I lost the more people wanted to talk to me and the more I felt confident about myself. I used to never have anything to wear and I used to wear the same 4-5 band tees every week and I have about over 10.. I seriously didn't care how I dressed but it's all about confidence.. If you don't care about how you look , how do you expect to feel your best? I'm not trying to be mean it's the truth.. You have to look your best , to feel your best.. Trust me I know what I'm talking about.. Go to the mall and reward yourself , compliment yourself , put on makeup , if you don't like your body workout to feel good about yourself , buy new clothes , try to start conversations with people , get your nails and hair done , ditch all the clothes that make you feel depressed and just do something that makes you happy Hun.. Ohh and most importantly love yourself because if you don't love yourself how do you expect anyone else too..

Jan 23, 2015

Lala L.

And sweetie you're beautiful and just express your beauty.. Wear the things that will make you feel confident and don't focus on the things that you think people won't like because sweetie those people don't matter.. You are your own boss so you have to own what you wear.

Jan 23, 2015

Kitty K.

'I will typically buy one thing or types of things (similar but still under the same category, like flannels or joggers) and then I will practically be a cartoon until I find the next thing I like. '

THAT is the story of my life, I always thought I was the only one who did the same thing. I've broken off that habit a bit by just pairing it with different things and accessories. I always like to wear a V-Cut shirt for example, and the other day I changed up the whole look by wearing a denim jacket vest with it. Sometimes, the littlest things make a BIG difference.

'then I ditch the other item forever'
I just gave away 30 lbs of clothes because I also do this. I find that by purchasing clothes that aren't stuck in a specific trend or just a phase I'm going through actually help. Things like leather jackets, jeans, certain styles of shirts, skirts, or anything that isn't just in because it's in NOW; I still use. Like giant hoop earrings, that was a phase for me that died out so quickly.. And all my 'emo' clothes are also trashed because it was just another phase. However, I have a pair of jeans that I bought before both phases, and because it's not stuck to a phase or trend I still rock them.. it has a few rips here and there ( as that was the style ) but nothing tremendous that sticks them to an era. A pair of white skinny jeans I also constantly wear, it also has no trend attached to it so I don't ever feel tired of it.

'Right now I have 2 pairs of jeans (both black, both the same pair), 2 sweaters, and a "hoodie" that I wear, and that's it. I have other things in my closet, but not a lot, probably 2 shirts, 3 flannels, and cardigan, none of which I see myself wearing anytime soon. I just need to mix it up and learn how to style myself. Any advise will help.'

At that point.. you do have to push yourself! I'm sure you can pair up those black jeans, with maybe a tank top, camisole, etc.and wear the cardigan on top. Styling is easier said than done.. but if you just keep saying 'Forget this' and keep going back to what your comfortable with you'll never get to learn if that random combo will be your next favorite.

' I try looking for inspiration but I can never clothes similar that I can pull off, and typically if the outfit is super girly, or colorful, I feel like a guy in womens clothes. But if I wear something that is typically/primarily, for men (like a button down, or blazer) I feel like I'm pretending to be a guy, even if the thing is made with a feminine fit.
P.S.S. I also have no color in my closet, it's black and maroon, that's all. And about 1/4 of all the clothes I own are black undershirts/ camisoles.'

I don't like looking up inspiration when it comes for clothes, it just never works period and it's still someone else. The only inspirational thing I've seen is the TV Show 'How do I look?' because it's a lot more realistic and they style based on someone's style and personality.
As for your color scheme, I personally don't think that's even an issue. If you look in my closet, there's a plethora of black and edgy clothes, then there's randomly floral prints and pinks and corals. It's all based on what you like, there's no need to wear green purple and red if that's not your thing.
You sure don't look like a guy, you're actually very cute and feminine looking but I know how you feel.. I also feel like a guy when I wear certain clothes but accessories make such a big difference and sometimes even the style.
I feel you with button downs, but I find the loose cottony ones are feminine compared to the typical professional looking ones. Sometimes it's just the material.
I think you just need to grab a friend and go shopping and enjoy yourself.. these damn pinterest girls don't even look like themselves so I don't even bother paying attention to them anymore. Pay attention to what calls to you and don't feel intimidated, the worst that can happen is that you don't like the item.

Jan 23, 2015

Flores T.

I think you should keep in mind that others need to adjust as well. When I wear a dress I get a lot of reaction as well. Although I'm used to it, people in school don't see me dressed in a feminine way as much. And I must say sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable too. But then I think, so what it's only clothes and I can look feminine if I want to :)

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Thank you so much Kitty! I'm busy the rest of the month but I'm going to try to carve out time to go and get some staple clothing pieces. And I will try to get at least three accessories.

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Flores. I'm not really worried about how people will adjust. people are pretty used to me mixing up my makeup everyday so I don't think a new shirt will offset them too much.

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Erin. I think it's just me but I always feel like someone is choking me when I wear scarves, but maybe I just haven't found the right one. I will definitely keep my eye out for one.

Jan 23, 2015

Ashley D.

Alyah. My biggest thing right now is trying to get into shape so maybe when I'm not as unhealthy I will enjoy trying clothes on more. thank you.

Jan 23, 2015

Lala L.

No problem Hun and if there's anything you want to talk to me about just let me know ❤️❤️